The First "No Judgement" Conversation

So what actually does happen when a birth mom reaches out to a couple looking to adopt? Well, the most important thing that happens is, you get to know each other. And that's a basic, because you are going to work together on an adoption plan for your baby. Sometimes that means staying connected on a regular basis throughout the course of your pregnancy. In the case of a baby who is already born, it means working together to decide what your requirements are, when you'd like them to meet the baby, and other details that you'll need to figure out.

Oftentimes that first meeting is over the phone. So while you're not picking up on physical cues, you are hearing tone of voice and getting a sense for whether you actually like this couple (or individual) and feel they would be a good fit as parents for your child. Sometimes the first meet and greet is actually over email or text. While that can sometimes seem impersonal, it's becoming more and more common as technology gets more accessible and sophisticated. And just like anything, it's all what you're comfortable with. Sometimes it takes a while to get to know people. If you want to text or email first to see if it seems like a fit, do so.

In addition to chemistry, it's important for prospective parents to get as much information from you as possible. Sharing information protects everyone and sets you and your child up for a successful adoption process. This isn't about judgement. It's about helping everyone make the best decision. During the first few conversations, you'll want to share some basic information. The prospective parents will ask you:

• Name, address, age.
• Whether you are married or single, and your current living arrangements Do you live with your parents, for example? If so, do we need to keep these conversations private, between us, or do you want your parents included in your decision?
• Birth father, and whether you've talked about your adoption plan with him.
• Due date and where you're receiving prenatal care.
• What your preferences are with regard to adoption. Do you want a semi-open adoption, with occasional updates, for example? What do you envision?
• Do you have any health problems that we should be aware of?
• Have you smoked, drank or done drugs while pregnant?

The list could potentially go on, but you get the idea. Basically, you're helping the prospective parents understand your wishes for the adoption and giving them information to help provide your child with the best environment and opportunities. Remember to be honest. Just because you might have done drugs early in your pregnancy doesn't mean it's a deal-breaker. That just means the prospective parents need to educate themselves on any potential risks and what to do in the event that the baby has problems after delivery. There's no judgement. 

Finally, as prospective parents, it's important for us to know you too! We want to understand why you're making this beautiful choice, and to help you figure out the best way to make your adoption plan happen - your way.

If you're a birth mom and thinking about an adoption plan, email us: adoptionisapowerfulchoice@gmail.com. We'll answer your questions without judgement.