On Judgement

Last night at a company dinner, I met a contractor who told me she had adopted a child domestically. She offered to talk to me about her experiences with adoption. I was completely blown away by her kindness in offering to share her story.

During the course of our conversation, she told me that their birth mother always felt like people were judging her. She mentioned specifically that the birth mother felt like the nurses in the hospital were judging her. And maybe they were, though the contractor I met said the nurses were all lovely during the birth. 

Being new to this adoption process, I never really even considered that a birth mother might feel judged. What a yucky thing, to feel like you're being judged. Especially since birth mothers are about the most selfless people I can think of. Instead of choosing the alternative, they choose to give birth to a wonderful little baby. Then, no matter how hard it is, they make the choice of an adoption plan ... for whatever reason. Maybe the birth father left and she just can't make it on her own financially. Maybe she's exceptionally young and knows someday she'll be ready to rear a child, but right now is just not the right time. Any way you look at it, birth mothers are selfless people. And I admire them.

I got pregnant when I was very young. I was scared and had no idea what options were out there for me. I was afraid of being judged. And so I made a very hard decision ... and its one I've regretted many times over. I've come to terms with it - I still have a place in my heart that will forever be broken - but I just wasn't ready. I've learned not to judge myself. And isn't that the hardest thing of all? To learn not to judge yourself? To learn to be compassionate toward yourself?

Who would I be to judge someone for giving life to a child and making sure that child is provided for in the best way possible? It's not about judgement. It's about opportunities. 

So, if you're a birth mother and you're feeling judged, always remember that you're making the choice of adoption for the best reason of all ... love. Have compassion for yourself. I do.

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