On Judgement

Last night at a company dinner, I met a contractor who told me she had adopted a child domestically. She offered to talk to me about her experiences with adoption. I was completely blown away by her kindness in offering to share her story.

During the course of our conversation, she told me that their birth mother always felt like people were judging her. She mentioned specifically that the birth mother felt like the nurses in the hospital were judging her. And maybe they were, though the contractor I met said the nurses were all lovely during the birth. 

Being new to this adoption process, I never really even considered that a birth mother might feel judged. What a yucky thing, to feel like you're being judged. Especially since birth mothers are about the most selfless people I can think of. Instead of choosing the alternative, they choose to give birth to a wonderful little baby. Then, no matter how hard it is, they make the choice of an adoption plan ... for whatever reason. Maybe the birth father left and she just can't make it on her own financially. Maybe she's exceptionally young and knows someday she'll be ready to rear a child, but right now is just not the right time. Any way you look at it, birth mothers are selfless people. And I admire them.

I got pregnant when I was very young. I was scared and had no idea what options were out there for me. I was afraid of being judged. And so I made a very hard decision ... and its one I've regretted many times over. I've come to terms with it - I still have a place in my heart that will forever be broken - but I just wasn't ready. I've learned not to judge myself. And isn't that the hardest thing of all? To learn not to judge yourself? To learn to be compassionate toward yourself?

Who would I be to judge someone for giving life to a child and making sure that child is provided for in the best way possible? It's not about judgement. It's about opportunities. 

So, if you're a birth mother and you're feeling judged, always remember that you're making the choice of adoption for the best reason of all ... love. Have compassion for yourself. I do.

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A Thai Curry Noodle Soup Experiment

When I first met Robert, he had a few cooking specialties: Indian curry, bread and butter pudding and anything pork. Did I mention Robert is originally from England? Yeah, that means he likes strange things like Turkish delight and Christmas pudding. Me? Not so much. But I do love to cook. And since Robert's palate is so diverse, he'll give pretty much anything a taste. That means I get to experiment!

My latest came from Martha Stewart's Living Magazine. I found a recipe for Coconut-Curry Noodle Soup. Don't crinkle your nose. It was pretty darned good! I did accidently buy green curry sauce instead of yellow but I actually think that made the soup even better.

Ingredients:

• 10 ounces Chinese rice noodles (I bought soba)
• 1 T safflower or peanut oil (I had olive oil, so that's what I used)
• 1/4 cup plus 1 T Thai yellow curry paste (I used green curry paste, which was all I could find at the grocery store)
• 4 cups chicken stock
• 1 can unsweetened coconut milk (I used light)
• 1 lemon
• Fresh basil

I also used:

• Cooked, chopped chicken
• 1 lime

Boil noodles according to package directions. Drain and rinse under cold water. Toss with 1 tsp oil. Heat remaining 2 tsp oil in medium saucepan over medium heat. Cook curry paste, stirring 1-2 minutes. Whisk in chicken stock. Raise heat and bring to boil. Whisk in coconut milk. Cook until just simmering. Cut lemon in half and squeeze 1 half into saucepan. Divide noodles and soup among four bowls - or throw the noodles in the soup.

On the side, I also stir fried some basil leaves, threw in cooked chick and drizzled lime juice over the mixture. I let that cook for a couple of minutes then added the mixture to the soup.

Robert and I both agreed after all of the heavy Thanksgiving food that we ate over the past week, this soup was comforting and gentle on our digestive systems. Did I just say that? I sound like I'm writing an article for Yoga Journal ... anyway, it rocked! Try it if you dare. And, if you're feeling frisky, you could try it with different meats (I thought shrimp, a white flaky fish or even eating it vegetarian would be good). You could also buy red curry or yellow curry paste instead of green. That would set it off with different flavors. Experiment! Be Yourself!!