Cover of book found here: http://www.thirdchoicebooks.com/

When Robert and I first decided to adopt, we worked with an adoption agency to complete our initial home study. As part of that home study, we were asked to read The Third Choice - A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption. It was my first introduction to adoption from the perspective of a birth mother. 

We've been on this adoption journey now for over a year. Still, I often refer back to that book to remind myself about the brave women who choose adoption for their children. I think it's important for those who would like to adopt to educate themselves about all aspects of adoption. Yes, it's a happy time for an individual or couple who are adopting, but it's also a sad time for the person who has chosen as a mother to allow her child to be brought up by someone else. 

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book. Remember, this book is written for women who are considering adoption for their child:

• It is your right to ask for as much information as you need in order to make a good decision.
• No matter what your circumstances, there is almost always an appropriate family available who will want to adopt your child. You have a greater chance of finding them of you are straightforward about your history and situation.
• After you have met with all of the prospectiveparents that interested you, the decision is now in your hands. Chances are, you already have a pretty good idea who the parents of your child will be. Some birthmothers say they felt a tremendous relief when they found the adoptive parents for their child, like a burden was lifted from their shoulders. Other birthparents agonized over the decision. It is often just a matter of your style in making decisions. Take your time, and do it according to your own timeline.
• By the time a couple contacts and adoption organization [or adoption attorney], chances are, they have spent a number of years trying to have a baby on their own.

Women who choose adoption for their children have so much to think about - just as adoptive couples do. Robert and I have already been through a couple of near misses, one where the birth mother decided to keep her child just as we were packing up to drive 13 hours and meet her at the hospital. Some days it seems like we will never have the opportunity to adopt. Then, other days, when I'm feeling more realistic, I have compassion - both for Robert and I, and for the women who are going through an unplanned pregnancy and who are faced with a difficult decision. 

So You Think You're Pregnant

So you think you're pregnant. Now what?

The very first thing you need to do is schedule an appointment with your doctor. You can see a family doctor or an OB/GYN. OB is short for obstetrician, a doctor who has been trained in pregnancy and childbirth. An OB can deliver your child. GYN is short for gynecologist, a doctor who has been trained in reproductive health. A gynecologist can do yearly pap smears, which screen for cancer and other diseases. They can also test for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

If you do not have a doctor, or feel like you cannot afford one, there are many things you can do. Go to your local health department. Visit your local hospital and ask about a payment plan. Look into applying for Medicaid. Call or visit Planned Parenthood and ask them about options. It is so important that you start receiving medical care immediately if you are pregnant.

During your doctor visit, your doctor will ask you questions such as, what was the date of your last period? You will most likely have a pelvic exam, a urine test and a blood test. Your doctor may also put you on prenatal vitamins. Prenatal vitamins contain at least 400 mcg of folic acid, also known as folate or vitamin B9. Taking 400 mcg of folic acid every day during your pregnancy (and even before pregnancy) can help protect your baby from birth defects of the spine and skull.

Things that can harm your baby

• While you are pregnant, avoid drinking alcohol, especially during the first trimester. If you drink during your pregnancy, your baby may develop fetal alcohol syndrome. Fetal alcohol syndrome causes mental and physical problems.
• Smoking pot or taking drugs during pregnancy can result in miscarriage, premature labor or fetal death (death of the baby in the womb).
• Smoking cigarettes or inhaling second-hand smoke can cause major problems once your baby is born. SIDS, or sudden infant death syndrome, is when a baby dies suddenly without warning while he or she is sleeping. Smoking and exposure to second-hand smoke while you are pregnant is associated with miscarriage, stillborn babies and premature birth. 

Things to do for your baby's health

• Schedule an appointment with your doctor as soon as you suspect you are pregnant.
• Take prenatal vitamins that contain 400 mcg folic acid.
• Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, water, baked or grilled low-fat meats.
• Drink plenty of milk. If you are lactose intolerant, ask your doctor to suggest milk alternatives.
• Exercise for 30 minutes or more on most days of the week. Walking is great exercise but always check with your doctor before starting a new exercise routine if you are pregnant.
• Get a lot of rest. Take naps during the day.

To find out more about what to do if you suspect you are pregnant, visit the following resources:

American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

American Pregnancy Association

You may also like:

Unplanned Pregnancy
Placing a Child for Adoption

Pregnant? Adoption Is a Powerful Choice

Unplanned Pregnancy? Educate Yourself With These Resources

If you're facing an unplanned pregnancy, there are many options available to you. This decision is yours, and you have the right to take as much time as you need to make the decision that's right for you. Educate yourself and learn as much as you can so you can make an informed decision.

Don't know where to start? Here are some resources:

• Adoption.com - There's an entire section on Pregnancy, including options and information for unplanned pregnancies.

• American Pregnancy Association - This site is a must for anyone who is facing an unplanned pregnancy.

• Teenage Pregnancy - Sponsored by the National Institutes of Health, this site provides links to many resources for teenagers who experience an unexpected pregnancy.

• Parent Profiles: Pregnant & Considering Adoption - This site educates you on what to expect if you choose an adoption plan for your child.

• The Third Choice: A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption - Written from the perspective of a birth mother, this book is a must read for anyone facing an unplanned pregnancy, including the birth father.

• What to Expect: The First Year - If you're wondering whether you should keep your baby and raise it yourself, this book gives step-by-step instructions on what to expect during the first year.

Of course Robert and I believe adoption is a powerful choice. If you are pregnant, however, we urge you to weigh all of your options and make the choice that's right for you. No judgement. It's your life, after all.