Cover of book found here: http://www.thirdchoicebooks.com/

When Robert and I first decided to adopt, we worked with an adoption agency to complete our initial home study. As part of that home study, we were asked to read The Third Choice - A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption. It was my first introduction to adoption from the perspective of a birth mother. 

We've been on this adoption journey now for over a year. Still, I often refer back to that book to remind myself about the brave women who choose adoption for their children. I think it's important for those who would like to adopt to educate themselves about all aspects of adoption. Yes, it's a happy time for an individual or couple who are adopting, but it's also a sad time for the person who has chosen as a mother to allow her child to be brought up by someone else. 

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book. Remember, this book is written for women who are considering adoption for their child:

• It is your right to ask for as much information as you need in order to make a good decision.
• No matter what your circumstances, there is almost always an appropriate family available who will want to adopt your child. You have a greater chance of finding them of you are straightforward about your history and situation.
• After you have met with all of the prospectiveparents that interested you, the decision is now in your hands. Chances are, you already have a pretty good idea who the parents of your child will be. Some birthmothers say they felt a tremendous relief when they found the adoptive parents for their child, like a burden was lifted from their shoulders. Other birthparents agonized over the decision. It is often just a matter of your style in making decisions. Take your time, and do it according to your own timeline.
• By the time a couple contacts and adoption organization [or adoption attorney], chances are, they have spent a number of years trying to have a baby on their own.

Women who choose adoption for their children have so much to think about - just as adoptive couples do. Robert and I have already been through a couple of near misses, one where the birth mother decided to keep her child just as we were packing up to drive 13 hours and meet her at the hospital. Some days it seems like we will never have the opportunity to adopt. Then, other days, when I'm feeling more realistic, I have compassion - both for Robert and I, and for the women who are going through an unplanned pregnancy and who are faced with a difficult decision. 

Gender-Neutral Crib and Dresser

In all the excitement about the USSS vs. FBI Charity Event, I forgot to mention that we finally found a crib and dresser for the nursery. On Friday, Robert and I headed south to a huge shopping mall. We spent the day together shopping and then stopped for a bite to eat before driving home. One of our favorite purchases of the day was a dresser and crib for the nursery. We were going back and forth about what type of crib we wanted but in the end, we ended up with a traditional pick from Pottery Barn Kids.

We picked out a Chestnut finish but I couldn't find a picture of either in the Chestnut color. Here is a picture of the crib in Espresso:

We bought the Kendall dresser from Pottery Barn Kids. Pictured here is the crib in Espresso finish. We selected a Chestnut finish for ours, as it seemed to be gender-neutral.

We loved the dresser. It's the perfect size to use as a changing table as well so our next purchase will probably be a changing pad. I also saw some really cute changing pad covers on Etsy. Here's a picture of the dresser. Keep in mind that this isn't the finish we selected but I couldn't find Chestnut on the website to share with you. Imagine this but a bit darker:

The dresser shown here is in honey. We selected a Chestnut finish as it felt more gender-neutral and could be used for quite a few years.

We really do have all the basics. Once this furniture is delivered (about two weeks), we'll be all set. I can't wait to put all of the little bits and bobs away in the dresser. Finally, the nursery is coming together. Once we get the furniture set up, I'll snap a photo and share it here.

It's so fun pulling all of this stuff together, even if we haven't been matched with a birth mom yet. We feel so ready to welcome a child into our home. 

FBI vs. USSS Charity Hockey Game

Last night, we attended the FBI vs. USSS Hockey Game at the Kettler Capitals Iceplex with our friends, J and L, and their 5 year old boy, A. They just had a baby a little over a month or so and this was L's first time away from her daughter, whom they left in the capable hands of her mom. As you'll see, J is hard to pin down for a photo op but the rest of us had fun with the camera.

Kris and Robert goofing off during the USSS vs. FBI Charity Game.

The game is an annual event played for charity. This year's charity was Efforts 4 Ellie, a foundation that supports research efforts for glycogen storage diseases (GSD). GSDs are metabolic disorders that make it hard for the body to break down foods to create energy. Ellie was there and stood in the middle of the ice for photo ops then headed up to the prime seats in the house to sit with the USSS.

A and L enjoying the game.

The game might have been for charity but that didn't stop things from getting heated. The first period saw the USSS in the lead, which only spurred the FBI on in the second period, where they pulled out all the stops. It wasn't until the last five minutes that the USSS scored two, pulling them forward for the win.

A mesmerized by the USSS vs. FBI Charity Event. He wants to play hockey now ... the jury is still out on whether mom and dad will let him.

It was only 7:30 pm when the game ended but we were all pooped. L and J were anxious to get back to their little girl and A fell asleep in the back seat. Fun was definitely had by all. Can't wait for Robert and I to be able to share this kind of fun with our own adoptive child, when we are so blessed to be matched to one.

Final score: USSS 7 - 5 FBI

Sunshine on My Shoulders

I drove to my yoga class this morning in the beaming sunshine! I can't believe this Winter has been so mild. The temperature today was in the upper 50s. 

We're looking forward to Springtime in Virginia. In March or April, Washington DC has its annual Cherry Tree festival. The festival lasts for just a short time while the Cherry Trees bloom. There is so much for families to do and see. I hope the weather remains pretty throughout the season. 

In the coming weeks, we're planning a trip to Richmond, Virginia. Richmond is full of history and is the capital of Virginia so promises to be a fun trip. We are going to shop at Short Pump, a town center and mall that has all kinds of shops. We are slowly pulling together a nursery and are looking for furniture that is gender-neutral so we can welcome either a boy or a girl to our family when the time comes. 

Also on our list is the National Zoo. I've been to many zoos throughout the country but am looking forward to seeing all the animals. My favorites are usually the seals and otters. They are so playful. I think of them as water dogs! 

Most of all, though, Robert and I are looking forward to more and more days of sunshine. We look forward to gardening and walking, grilling out and sitting out on the patio in the evenings. Here's to Spring! I can see you on the horizon!!

The Shows We Watch

Robert and I aren't really television surfers. We do have a few shows that we absolutely love (thank goodness for DVR).

Modern Family - I think Robert has a crush on Gloria. (Do you blame him?) Frankly, I have a crush on Cameron.

Jamie Oliver's American Road Trip - Jamie's cooking shows took my dinners to a new level. This show finds him traveling across America to discover how food and culture collide.

Sons of Anarchy - We cannot wait for Season 4. This show is about a motorcycle gang in California. Definitely not for wussies!

Parenthood - Robert doesn't watch this show (yet) but I can pretty much laugh and cry during every episode.

Bones - Our friend the microbiologist says the science on this detective series is retarded - but who cares when the characters are so cool!

The Fringe - Did you love the X-Files? Enough said.

True Blood - Another one that's not for wussies. I read the Sookie Stackhouse series and am now trying to keep up with Sookie's adventures when we get free HBO previews.

Sherlock Holmes - No, really. The British version of modern day Sherlock.

Downton Abbey - A British drama about a well-to-do family with sisters vying to get married so they don't lose the family fortune. Can you say Dynasty anyone?

Gosh, we watch a lot of television. I promise you we are really not that boring. :)

Nursery Ideas

The more I stare at this nursery, the more I like it. Hey, don't knock it. I have to have something to fill my creative mind while I wait for a match. I found this one on Chic & Cheap Nursery.

Anyhoo, I painted the nursery light French gray. It's a Sherwin-Williams color, and not as dark as the gray pictured here. Robert and I both decided last night that the nursery is our favorite room in the house - though there's no furniture in it yet other than a shelf that I painted, a night stand and a lamp. It just feels inviting and soft and relaxing.

I'm trying to find some colors that are bright and cheerful but that are gender-neutral. Why? Well, because we have no idea whether we will be adopting a boy or a girl!

Keep it simple is my motto. I'm more minimalist than anything. So I'll probably choose one overarching color and have a couple of accent colors for pillows and whatnot (such as in this picture) but what really matters is who's in the nursery, after all.

Another Celebrity Adoption - Sandra Bullock

I'm totally in love with Sandra Bullock adopting too. Above is the picture of her People spread just after she adopted baby Louie. Just like Mariska, I've always loved Sandra Bullock. She's not your typical star, in that you don't see her out gallivanting, vying for media attention.

I know, I know. Stars don't live in our world. They decide to adopt and it seems like suddenly, they have a child. Not like the rest of us, who go through months and years of paperwork and waiting before we are finally matched somehow, some way. Regardless, I think it's inspiring.

I don't think I'll be doing any photo shoots after Robert and I adopt ... but you never know. ;)

Celebrity Adoption - Mariska Hargitay

I've always loved Mariska Hargitay. I just think she's so pretty! And now I have yet another reason to love her. She is an adoptive mother.

The above picture is from an article in More Magazine. (I'm convinced the editors of More have an affinity for adoption.) Apparently, she's now adopted a little boy as well. I'm ever so jealous ... she's pretty, successful and has now experienced two successful adoptions. Well, I can't be too hard on myself. Two out of three ain't bad.

Can't wait to post about our adoption on here when it happens! Still searching ...

Follow-up to the Failed Adoption

I think I forgot to follow up on our failed adoption. Failed adoption is such a negative term, don't you think? It wasn't really a fail for us - it was a learning experience. But I do have to say it was heart breaking for me and I've been a little off-kilter ever since. I'll get back on track, though, with a little time. In fact, today we picked out a color for the nursery walls - a warm, whimsical and inviting color. I can't wait to pull out the paint roller!

Our attorney called us yesterday to tell us that he had followed up with the birth mother. She's going to keep the baby. Why didn't they say that in the first place and prevent all of the heart ache and stress they caused me and Robert? I guess we are all only human, after all. We faced some tough decisions over the past few days - and I missed my yoga teacher training because we thought we would be driving to Florida. That means I won't graduate for another year because I'll have to make this weekend up. But I refuse to think of it as a negative. When I make this weekend up, I'll meet all new students ... and might retain a friend or two.

Regardless, if raising the baby on her own is what the birth mom wants, then that's what's best for the child. I wish her and her baby the best of everything.

Quilt for an Adoptive Child

My mother-in-law is like Martha Stewart. Present her with a project and she'll not only master it, she'll teach you how to do it too. That goes for quilt-making. Last summer, she got it in her head that she was going to take a quilt-making class.

Now, we told our families not to go buying anything for our adoptive child just yet - or making us anything. The reason? We have no idea about the whens, hows, or ifs of our adoption. But you know, people just can't help themselves.

One day, I went out to the mailbox and found a parcel. Wrapped tightly inside was a surprise - a quilt. I immediately called her and thanked her. She assured me that this quilt is not for our adoptive child. But, with those primary colors and whimsical theme (all of the pets we've had, including Chalky the Parson russell, Fred the beagle, Wellington the black lab and P-rudy the cat), who else would it be for?

Here's one side:

And here's the other side:

It's perfect for lying on the floor to create a comfortable padding for baby to lie on while we talk, play, cuddle and hang out. You don't fool me, mother-in-law. I know your tricks.

The Traveling Baby Kit

So we experienced what's known as a failed adoption. A good thing that came out of that experience was our realization that we need a "Baby Kit." What's a baby kit? Well, for us soon to be adoptive families, a baby kit is a collection of stuff that you can pack into your car (or airplane) quickly in case you need to rush to another state and meet a birth mother who is delivering in another state ... or some similar scenario.

You've heard of adoptive parents staying in hotels for a week or longer waiting for the ICPC paperwork to clear. Well, during that time, the baby needs to eat, sleep and (ah-em) use the facilities. How's a little baby supposed to do that in a hotel room without a baby kit?

Now, we may not need a "Baby Kit" - because our adoptive baby may come from a local birth mother - but even so, it never hurts to be prepared. As Winston Churchill once said, "In failing to prepare, we prepare to fail."

See those diapers and wipes in the corner? Well, they might last us a day ... but it's a start! Also seen here are swaddling/burping cloths, blankets, hooded towels, wash cloths and I think some socks. We couldn't really focus on pink or blue because we have no idea what gender our adoptive baby will be. So we picked a little of both - and some neutral colors as well. Once we know, we can pick out more gender-appropriate colors. Remember, this is kind of like an emergency kit!

On the other side of the closet, we have bottles (4 oz for newborn), lotion, baby wash and powder, a bottle brush, pacifiers and nail clippers. Oh, and don't forget the onesies. These have little hand covers in them so baby doesn't scratch his or her face. So cute.

The thought of giving a baby a bath in a hotel bathtub is not my most favorite idea. So we bought a little baby bather just in case. Of course we'll clean out the tub ourselves to be sure it's as clean as can be but a baby bather is just the ticket to provide comfort and security. Next to the baby bather, you'll see a traveling bassinet. Made just for baby, this little bassinet provides a little Nook for a newborn to sleep just in case we have to stay for a week or so out of town. This might also come in handy if we take a trip to Nana's house anytime shortly after the baby is born.

Not pictured here (because the picture was blurry) is the Boppy newborn lounger we bought. I just love these things. My friend has one for her newborn daughter. It allows baby to sit right next to you on the couch, the bed, the floor ... whatever!

This diaper bag isn't necessarily what I would choose right off the bat but Robert wanted one of his own. I'm calling it his man-bag. We'll pack it with all the necessities and head on our way just in case we get the call. Some might say we're nesting before it's time. Oh well, our little shopping trip helped us deal with the heavy emotions we felt after our failed adoption so we're considering it a healthy coping mechanism. And it's not like we won't use the stuff. We're READY!

As we were unpacking our baby kit and storing it away in the nursery closet, the boys were quite intrigued. "A baby? What's that?" Oh just you wait, Chalky. Just you wait.

You might also like:

The Chicco Travel System

Chelsea Chelsea!

Yet another great memory. A few years ago, we took a trip to England to visit Robert's parents. As a gift, Robert's parents gave us box seats to a Chelsea game. We took the train from the village into London and arrived early to Stamford Bridge. It was a cold day so we started it with a bit of coffee. Have you ever had coffee in England? Awful. It tastes like liquid dust. You're really better off with a hot cup of tea. Still, it warmed our bones. What an experience.

So You Think You're Pregnant

So you think you're pregnant. Now what?

The very first thing you need to do is schedule an appointment with your doctor. You can see a family doctor or an OB/GYN. OB is short for obstetrician, a doctor who has been trained in pregnancy and childbirth. An OB can deliver your child. GYN is short for gynecologist, a doctor who has been trained in reproductive health. A gynecologist can do yearly pap smears, which screen for cancer and other diseases. They can also test for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

If you do not have a doctor, or feel like you cannot afford one, there are many things you can do. Go to your local health department. Visit your local hospital and ask about a payment plan. Look into applying for Medicaid. Call or visit Planned Parenthood and ask them about options. It is so important that you start receiving medical care immediately if you are pregnant.

During your doctor visit, your doctor will ask you questions such as, what was the date of your last period? You will most likely have a pelvic exam, a urine test and a blood test. Your doctor may also put you on prenatal vitamins. Prenatal vitamins contain at least 400 mcg of folic acid, also known as folate or vitamin B9. Taking 400 mcg of folic acid every day during your pregnancy (and even before pregnancy) can help protect your baby from birth defects of the spine and skull.

Things that can harm your baby

• While you are pregnant, avoid drinking alcohol, especially during the first trimester. If you drink during your pregnancy, your baby may develop fetal alcohol syndrome. Fetal alcohol syndrome causes mental and physical problems.
• Smoking pot or taking drugs during pregnancy can result in miscarriage, premature labor or fetal death (death of the baby in the womb).
• Smoking cigarettes or inhaling second-hand smoke can cause major problems once your baby is born. SIDS, or sudden infant death syndrome, is when a baby dies suddenly without warning while he or she is sleeping. Smoking and exposure to second-hand smoke while you are pregnant is associated with miscarriage, stillborn babies and premature birth. 

Things to do for your baby's health

• Schedule an appointment with your doctor as soon as you suspect you are pregnant.
• Take prenatal vitamins that contain 400 mcg folic acid.
• Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, water, baked or grilled low-fat meats.
• Drink plenty of milk. If you are lactose intolerant, ask your doctor to suggest milk alternatives.
• Exercise for 30 minutes or more on most days of the week. Walking is great exercise but always check with your doctor before starting a new exercise routine if you are pregnant.
• Get a lot of rest. Take naps during the day.

To find out more about what to do if you suspect you are pregnant, visit the following resources:

American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

American Pregnancy Association

You may also like:

Unplanned Pregnancy
Placing a Child for Adoption

Pregnant? Adoption Is a Powerful Choice

Unplanned Pregnancy? Educate Yourself With These Resources

If you're facing an unplanned pregnancy, there are many options available to you. This decision is yours, and you have the right to take as much time as you need to make the decision that's right for you. Educate yourself and learn as much as you can so you can make an informed decision.

Don't know where to start? Here are some resources:

• Adoption.com - There's an entire section on Pregnancy, including options and information for unplanned pregnancies.

• American Pregnancy Association - This site is a must for anyone who is facing an unplanned pregnancy.

• Teenage Pregnancy - Sponsored by the National Institutes of Health, this site provides links to many resources for teenagers who experience an unexpected pregnancy.

• Parent Profiles: Pregnant & Considering Adoption - This site educates you on what to expect if you choose an adoption plan for your child.

• The Third Choice: A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption - Written from the perspective of a birth mother, this book is a must read for anyone facing an unplanned pregnancy, including the birth father.

• What to Expect: The First Year - If you're wondering whether you should keep your baby and raise it yourself, this book gives step-by-step instructions on what to expect during the first year.

Of course Robert and I believe adoption is a powerful choice. If you are pregnant, however, we urge you to weigh all of your options and make the choice that's right for you. No judgement. It's your life, after all.