Adventures in Dining

Last night, Robert and I dined at a local restaurant that serves organic, free-range and hormone-free foods paired with wines and beers from local wineries and breweries. It was Friday night and the one-room restaurant was quite the scene.

As you've probably figured out, Robert and I like to get out and about, experiencing the local culture and just basically seeing what's out there. We've often wondered if that will change once we adopt. Our answer comes by watching and learning.

Last night, while we waited to be sat at our table, we shared lounge seats with a large family. Two of the men were holding babies. At an adjacent table sat another couple with a little girl who looked to be about four years old. And, after we sat down, yet another couple sat next to us with three kids ranging in age from about 12 to 2. Enough said.

The secret? Selecting carefully. This very cool and trendy restaurant welcomes kids. And so it attracts couples who like to get out and about ... with their kids of all ages. After all, who wants to sit around and watch TV all the time?

Not us.

The Shows We Watch

Robert and I aren't really television surfers. We do have a few shows that we absolutely love (thank goodness for DVR).

Modern Family - I think Robert has a crush on Gloria. (Do you blame him?) Frankly, I have a crush on Cameron.

Jamie Oliver's American Road Trip - Jamie's cooking shows took my dinners to a new level. This show finds him traveling across America to discover how food and culture collide.

Sons of Anarchy - We cannot wait for Season 4. This show is about a motorcycle gang in California. Definitely not for wussies!

Parenthood - Robert doesn't watch this show (yet) but I can pretty much laugh and cry during every episode.

Bones - Our friend the microbiologist says the science on this detective series is retarded - but who cares when the characters are so cool!

The Fringe - Did you love the X-Files? Enough said.

True Blood - Another one that's not for wussies. I read the Sookie Stackhouse series and am now trying to keep up with Sookie's adventures when we get free HBO previews.

Sherlock Holmes - No, really. The British version of modern day Sherlock.

Downton Abbey - A British drama about a well-to-do family with sisters vying to get married so they don't lose the family fortune. Can you say Dynasty anyone?

Gosh, we watch a lot of television. I promise you we are really not that boring. :)

Nursery Ideas

The more I stare at this nursery, the more I like it. Hey, don't knock it. I have to have something to fill my creative mind while I wait for a match. I found this one on Chic & Cheap Nursery.

Anyhoo, I painted the nursery light French gray. It's a Sherwin-Williams color, and not as dark as the gray pictured here. Robert and I both decided last night that the nursery is our favorite room in the house - though there's no furniture in it yet other than a shelf that I painted, a night stand and a lamp. It just feels inviting and soft and relaxing.

I'm trying to find some colors that are bright and cheerful but that are gender-neutral. Why? Well, because we have no idea whether we will be adopting a boy or a girl!

Keep it simple is my motto. I'm more minimalist than anything. So I'll probably choose one overarching color and have a couple of accent colors for pillows and whatnot (such as in this picture) but what really matters is who's in the nursery, after all.

Celebrity Adoption - Mariska Hargitay

I've always loved Mariska Hargitay. I just think she's so pretty! And now I have yet another reason to love her. She is an adoptive mother.

The above picture is from an article in More Magazine. (I'm convinced the editors of More have an affinity for adoption.) Apparently, she's now adopted a little boy as well. I'm ever so jealous ... she's pretty, successful and has now experienced two successful adoptions. Well, I can't be too hard on myself. Two out of three ain't bad.

Can't wait to post about our adoption on here when it happens! Still searching ...

Sun rays, Colors and Words

Frederick by Leo Lionni was one of my favorite children's books when I was a little girl. Frederick is a mouse who belongs to a colony of mice. During the summer and autumn months, all of the mice of the colony are gathering nuts and berries and grains to store away for the winter - all of them, that is, except Frederick. 

When the colony mice ask Frederick what he's doing, he replies that he's gathering sun rays, colors and words. As you can imagine, the other mice think Frederick has gone coo coo. 

Later, in the middle of winter, the mice of the colony have eaten up all their grain. The fruit is long gone and there are just a few nuts. It's then that Frederick the mouse begins to tell his brothers and sisters stories - stories of the sunshine and of the colors of summer and of words that were spoken during months when they were all together in the warmth. Frederick's stories warm the hearts of all the mice in the colony and they finally understand. 

I think of Frederick a lot during the winter months, especially during the month of January. On the coldest of cold days, it's often hard to find something that inspires a ray of sunshine into your day. On those days, I channel Frederick. After all, it only takes a moment to close your eyes and imagine the sunshine on a day in the middle of late summer when you and a loved one shared a moment. 

One of my favorite memories from this past summer is when my nieces and nephews all spent the night with me and Robert. We hung out at the house then went downtown to a local burger joint to enjoy massive cheeseburgers, monster shakes and jumbo onion rings and fries. Then we walked and walked downtown. It was hot and we were sweaty, but we were together, hanging out and acting goofy. Afterwards, we sat around in the living room and fought over which movies we wanted to watch. The next morning, we all got up and met Nana and Pop Pop for breakfast before they had to go home. 

What are your colors? What are your sun rays? What are your words?

Yet Another Resource for Women Considering an Adoption Plan

This blog has some important insights on being a birth mom and making the decision to choose adoption for your child.

Birth Parent Blog

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Birth Mom Blog

Birth Mom Blog

I'm really not sure what the correct term is for a woman who is pregnant and chooses adoption for her child. I've heard "birth mom" and "first mom." A lot of the birth mother blogs I've run across take those terms to heart and feel they carry a negative connotation. I want to respect those who've chosen adoption for their children - and I know you can't please everyone - but don't quite know what an acceptable term would be. I welcome any insight!

Meanwhile, I ran across this blog by a gal who chose adoption for her child. She has a very open adoption with the adoptive family. I have only read a few posts but she says she talks about the negatives and the positives of adoption from the perspective of a birth mother.

Check it out and let me know what you think: Unexpected Stork

Again, I think it's so important that women who are pregnant understand all of their choices so they can make an informed decision about what to do. As I mentioned, we recently experienced a failed adoption (I hate that word! Anyone who wants to put a positive spin on that term is welcome to comment - fizzled adoption? How about practice adoption?). I was sad for a couple of days - and maybe a little angry - but I've come to terms with it pretty quickly and realize the best thing happened. I hope and pray that birth mother's family realizes what a blessing they have in their home and that they give that little girl everything she deserves in life, despite the obstacles presented by the community in which they live.

I believe if that birth mom had understood all of her options, she may not have found herself in the predicament that she was in - struggling at the last minute to match with a couple who could afford to pay a large sum of money in expenses, thinking she couldn't provide for the child. If she had taken the time to educate herself about all options, she might have made the decision that was right for her at an earlier stage in her pregnancy - then again, maybe not. Who can say. A woman can change her mind when reality hits, after all. As they say, that's our prerogative!

Pregnant? Adoption Is a Powerful Choice

We decided to adopt independently, which means we are looking for our own potential birth mother who is considering adoption for her child. As part of an independent adoption in Virginia, we're in charge of finding our own birth mother. Today we're sending letters out to people in the community to let them know about our wishes to adopt.

Help us get the word out!

My Boogie Shoes

I've mentioned on a number of occasions that I work from home. I chose to work from home so I could provide a loving, stable home for an adoptive child. Working from home provides flexibility, saves money (because I'm not driving back and forth to work) and I think more productive. Plus you get to work in your pajamas, unless you have a Skype meeting. Though me and my boss have a Skype meeting every Friday in our pajamas.

The one thing I find challenging about working from home is staying motivated to exercise. I do some form of exercise almost every single day. Most of the time, it's a walk outside or on the treadmill. Other days, it's yoga (did I mentioned I'm in a yoga teacher training program?). I also keep three-pound weights by my desk so I can get up every once in a while and give my arms a mini-workout. But staying motivated to do all that requires .... you guess it ....

My Boogie Shoes

I used to get dressed and head downstairs to my office in my slippers. But I found my slippers are so comfortable that I'm not motivated to get up and exercise. I've started a new routine now. I get dressed every morning and dash downstairs in my Boogie Shoes! They're cute. They're fun. They're just the thing to get me up off the chair ... and onto my treadmill at various intervals!

Funny how a pair of tennis shoes can make all the difference in the world, huh. And did you know walking is one of the best exercises if your pregnant? Just saying. Of course, check with your doctor first. Heck, your doctor might just want you to take a load off. If so, then definitely grab your slippers.

Follow-up to the Failed Adoption

I think I forgot to follow up on our failed adoption. Failed adoption is such a negative term, don't you think? It wasn't really a fail for us - it was a learning experience. But I do have to say it was heart breaking for me and I've been a little off-kilter ever since. I'll get back on track, though, with a little time. In fact, today we picked out a color for the nursery walls - a warm, whimsical and inviting color. I can't wait to pull out the paint roller!

Our attorney called us yesterday to tell us that he had followed up with the birth mother. She's going to keep the baby. Why didn't they say that in the first place and prevent all of the heart ache and stress they caused me and Robert? I guess we are all only human, after all. We faced some tough decisions over the past few days - and I missed my yoga teacher training because we thought we would be driving to Florida. That means I won't graduate for another year because I'll have to make this weekend up. But I refuse to think of it as a negative. When I make this weekend up, I'll meet all new students ... and might retain a friend or two.

Regardless, if raising the baby on her own is what the birth mom wants, then that's what's best for the child. I wish her and her baby the best of everything.

Quilt for an Adoptive Child

My mother-in-law is like Martha Stewart. Present her with a project and she'll not only master it, she'll teach you how to do it too. That goes for quilt-making. Last summer, she got it in her head that she was going to take a quilt-making class.

Now, we told our families not to go buying anything for our adoptive child just yet - or making us anything. The reason? We have no idea about the whens, hows, or ifs of our adoption. But you know, people just can't help themselves.

One day, I went out to the mailbox and found a parcel. Wrapped tightly inside was a surprise - a quilt. I immediately called her and thanked her. She assured me that this quilt is not for our adoptive child. But, with those primary colors and whimsical theme (all of the pets we've had, including Chalky the Parson russell, Fred the beagle, Wellington the black lab and P-rudy the cat), who else would it be for?

Here's one side:

And here's the other side:

It's perfect for lying on the floor to create a comfortable padding for baby to lie on while we talk, play, cuddle and hang out. You don't fool me, mother-in-law. I know your tricks.

The Traveling Baby Kit

So we experienced what's known as a failed adoption. A good thing that came out of that experience was our realization that we need a "Baby Kit." What's a baby kit? Well, for us soon to be adoptive families, a baby kit is a collection of stuff that you can pack into your car (or airplane) quickly in case you need to rush to another state and meet a birth mother who is delivering in another state ... or some similar scenario.

You've heard of adoptive parents staying in hotels for a week or longer waiting for the ICPC paperwork to clear. Well, during that time, the baby needs to eat, sleep and (ah-em) use the facilities. How's a little baby supposed to do that in a hotel room without a baby kit?

Now, we may not need a "Baby Kit" - because our adoptive baby may come from a local birth mother - but even so, it never hurts to be prepared. As Winston Churchill once said, "In failing to prepare, we prepare to fail."

See those diapers and wipes in the corner? Well, they might last us a day ... but it's a start! Also seen here are swaddling/burping cloths, blankets, hooded towels, wash cloths and I think some socks. We couldn't really focus on pink or blue because we have no idea what gender our adoptive baby will be. So we picked a little of both - and some neutral colors as well. Once we know, we can pick out more gender-appropriate colors. Remember, this is kind of like an emergency kit!

On the other side of the closet, we have bottles (4 oz for newborn), lotion, baby wash and powder, a bottle brush, pacifiers and nail clippers. Oh, and don't forget the onesies. These have little hand covers in them so baby doesn't scratch his or her face. So cute.

The thought of giving a baby a bath in a hotel bathtub is not my most favorite idea. So we bought a little baby bather just in case. Of course we'll clean out the tub ourselves to be sure it's as clean as can be but a baby bather is just the ticket to provide comfort and security. Next to the baby bather, you'll see a traveling bassinet. Made just for baby, this little bassinet provides a little Nook for a newborn to sleep just in case we have to stay for a week or so out of town. This might also come in handy if we take a trip to Nana's house anytime shortly after the baby is born.

Not pictured here (because the picture was blurry) is the Boppy newborn lounger we bought. I just love these things. My friend has one for her newborn daughter. It allows baby to sit right next to you on the couch, the bed, the floor ... whatever!

This diaper bag isn't necessarily what I would choose right off the bat but Robert wanted one of his own. I'm calling it his man-bag. We'll pack it with all the necessities and head on our way just in case we get the call. Some might say we're nesting before it's time. Oh well, our little shopping trip helped us deal with the heavy emotions we felt after our failed adoption so we're considering it a healthy coping mechanism. And it's not like we won't use the stuff. We're READY!

As we were unpacking our baby kit and storing it away in the nursery closet, the boys were quite intrigued. "A baby? What's that?" Oh just you wait, Chalky. Just you wait.

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Working from Home

This past weekend, Robert and I took a lasagna over to some new friends who just had a baby girl. They had just arrived home from the hospital on Friday after a three-day hospital stay and we knew they'd be too tired to cook.

During our visit, I talked with "B", asking her about her experience in the hospital and her plans for the next few months. Here are some of the questions I asked her:

Q: Are you planning on daycare so you can go back to work?
A: I wish I could quit my job and stay at home full-time but we need the insurance. I drive an hour each way to work so I'm not sure what we are going to do. Daycare is $200/week.

Q: Why don't you find someone locally to take care of her while you work? That may save you some money.
A: Yes, that's a good idea. We hired a lady to take care of my first child and he is still close to her today. She lives in another town, though, so I would have to find someone close to home.

Q: When do you have to go back to work?
A: I took 10 weeks off and am planning to enjoy that time. My husband doesn't have time off because he is a contractor. He won't get paid if he doesn't go into work.

Q: Is she sleeping through the night?
A: She is doing pretty well but now that she has her appetite, she is waking us up quite regularly.

Q: When we adopt, I'd love for you to go shopping with me and help me pick out all of the stuff we'll need for the baby.
A: I'd love to do that. There's so much to buy and I know all of the right places to go to help you save money on things like a crib, a stroller, a car seat and the rest of the basics.

Q: What's your biggest expense right now?
A: Formula and diapers! You wouldn't believe how much it all costs. She's worth every penny, though.

Of course there were so many more questions because we hung out with them for a couple of hours. Since that visit, I've been very thankful that I have the opportunity to work from home. Working from home will allow me the flexibility to provide a stable environment for a child.

It was just over a year ago that I was working as a freelance writer. When Robert and I decided to adopt, I approached my favorite client and asked her if she would hire me full-time. It took her a month or two but she finally said yes. I set up my office at home and haven't looked back since. I'm able to conduct meetings on Skype and on the phone so I can schedule them at a time that suits my needs.

Because of my flexible schedule, I can drop work at a moment's notice and address the needs of a child. If he or she wakes up and needs a bottle, I'm there. Doctor visits are no problem - even unexpected ones! And because I have a flexible schedule, I can spend a lot of time with a baby when he or she is awake to cuddle and bond.

Even cooler, Robert's job provides insurance and he's home every day before 5pm. He comes in, kisses the dogs and unwinds then we spend the rest of the night together doing whatever - cooking and eating dinner together, talking about our day, watching television, playing Scrabble ... and once a week we go out on a "date night," which usually means taking a walk downtown and eating at a new restaurant. We're a very stable and predictable couple ... but one that is ready to care for a child.

Stability and a regular schedule are key to providing a sense of security and self-worth in the life of a child. I am just so thankful that Robert and I are able to provide that stability.

As for our friends, we are looking forward to babysitting, and I'm sure they'll take us up on that soon!

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Adoption From the Perspective of a Birth Parent
Parenthood: Open vs. Closed Adoption

Pregnant? Adoption Is a Powerful Choice

Thoughts on Juno

Picture from: http://www.barrylou.com/juno.html

Have you ever seen that movie Juno? You know the one. A quirky high school girl gets pregnant and decides to terminate the pregnancy then has a moment of reality and changes her mind, consequently choosing an adoption plan? (Whew!) The movie's received a lot of criticism because it doesn't take the perspective of the birth mother seriously enough. After reading birth mother blogs and birth mother books and meeting a deeply grieving birth mother, I can definitely see how Juno would be ... well, almost insulting to a birth mother. Then again, I've never been a birth mother. But I have been pregnant when I was young. Unlike Juno, I didn't choose adoption. And now, here I am at a time in my life when I would love to have a baby - and I can't. I understand the grieving, and honor it.

What struck me, though, while I was watching the first meeting scene, was the portrayal of the adoptive parents. Jennifer Garner plays an overzealous adoptive mother. Her desperation to be a mother simply oozes. Her perfect life is just a facade for the broken, anxious mess that she's become. Jason Bateman plays the complete opposite, a complacent adoptive father who isn't happy in his marriage.

The first time I watched this movie, I thought, "what an a**hole." But, having gone through the experience of infertility, I know what the whole process can do to a marriage. Month after month you face the fact that you aren't pregnant. You take hormones that make you crazy. The doctors and health care providers aren't sympathetic. It's all so ... clinical. The pressure on both the wife and the husband is enormous. You lose a sense of who you are and it just becomes all about the process. Robert and I learned that path just wasn't for us.

Back to Juno. In one scene, Juno walks up the stairs of the adoptive parents' home to go to the bathroom. On the wall by the staircase is a series of pictures, the adoptive couple dressed all in white, smiling at the camera looking like models in a frame on the shelf of Macy's. That's hilarious. Once my sister had our entire family buy blue shirts and black pants for a family photo. I bought one of them and put it in a box. It wasn't us. We don't believe in shiny lights and photoshop. We are who we are.

Despite the extreme character portrayals, if I were to write a book about adoption, it would have to be like Juno. A little quirky, a little humor sprinkled in with a lot of reality. Humor is a coping mechanism - and the business of infertility and adoption is serious business.

Am I like the Jennifer Garner character? Well, I don't think she would own two crazy dogs that like to sleep on the furniture. Because I work from home, I wear jeans most of the time. You won't find a sitting room in our house and it's not perfectly clean. We don't have a maid. And if you've seen the pictures of Robert, you already know he's not like Jason Bateman. He's very affectionate and energetic. He's looking forward to being an adoptive dad. The both of us have gone through some pretty tough times together, which have made us stronger than ever. Robert is the best friend I've ever had.

Despite it all, I like the movie Juno. This is one fictional situation - and every adoption story is different. So I can watch it with perspective and appreciate it for what it is. Just a movie. I know our own adoption story will involve a lot of emotions - fear, doubt, anger, sadness, happiness, hope and maybe even some humor sprinkled in with all of that.

Unplanned Pregnancy? Educate Yourself With These Resources

If you're facing an unplanned pregnancy, there are many options available to you. This decision is yours, and you have the right to take as much time as you need to make the decision that's right for you. Educate yourself and learn as much as you can so you can make an informed decision.

Don't know where to start? Here are some resources:

• Adoption.com - There's an entire section on Pregnancy, including options and information for unplanned pregnancies.

• American Pregnancy Association - This site is a must for anyone who is facing an unplanned pregnancy.

• Teenage Pregnancy - Sponsored by the National Institutes of Health, this site provides links to many resources for teenagers who experience an unexpected pregnancy.

• Parent Profiles: Pregnant & Considering Adoption - This site educates you on what to expect if you choose an adoption plan for your child.

• The Third Choice: A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption - Written from the perspective of a birth mother, this book is a must read for anyone facing an unplanned pregnancy, including the birth father.

• What to Expect: The First Year - If you're wondering whether you should keep your baby and raise it yourself, this book gives step-by-step instructions on what to expect during the first year.

Of course Robert and I believe adoption is a powerful choice. If you are pregnant, however, we urge you to weigh all of your options and make the choice that's right for you. No judgement. It's your life, after all.

A Thai Curry Noodle Soup Experiment

When I first met Robert, he had a few cooking specialties: Indian curry, bread and butter pudding and anything pork. Did I mention Robert is originally from England? Yeah, that means he likes strange things like Turkish delight and Christmas pudding. Me? Not so much. But I do love to cook. And since Robert's palate is so diverse, he'll give pretty much anything a taste. That means I get to experiment!

My latest came from Martha Stewart's Living Magazine. I found a recipe for Coconut-Curry Noodle Soup. Don't crinkle your nose. It was pretty darned good! I did accidently buy green curry sauce instead of yellow but I actually think that made the soup even better.

Ingredients:

• 10 ounces Chinese rice noodles (I bought soba)
• 1 T safflower or peanut oil (I had olive oil, so that's what I used)
• 1/4 cup plus 1 T Thai yellow curry paste (I used green curry paste, which was all I could find at the grocery store)
• 4 cups chicken stock
• 1 can unsweetened coconut milk (I used light)
• 1 lemon
• Fresh basil

I also used:

• Cooked, chopped chicken
• 1 lime

Boil noodles according to package directions. Drain and rinse under cold water. Toss with 1 tsp oil. Heat remaining 2 tsp oil in medium saucepan over medium heat. Cook curry paste, stirring 1-2 minutes. Whisk in chicken stock. Raise heat and bring to boil. Whisk in coconut milk. Cook until just simmering. Cut lemon in half and squeeze 1 half into saucepan. Divide noodles and soup among four bowls - or throw the noodles in the soup.

On the side, I also stir fried some basil leaves, threw in cooked chick and drizzled lime juice over the mixture. I let that cook for a couple of minutes then added the mixture to the soup.

Robert and I both agreed after all of the heavy Thanksgiving food that we ate over the past week, this soup was comforting and gentle on our digestive systems. Did I just say that? I sound like I'm writing an article for Yoga Journal ... anyway, it rocked! Try it if you dare. And, if you're feeling frisky, you could try it with different meats (I thought shrimp, a white flaky fish or even eating it vegetarian would be good). You could also buy red curry or yellow curry paste instead of green. That would set it off with different flavors. Experiment! Be Yourself!!