Thursday, February 9, 2012

Why We Want to Adopt

Every hopeful adoptive couple (or single!) has a unique story, just as every person who decides to choose adoption for their child has a unique story. Ours began in 2007 when Robert and I were visiting his parents in England.

It was Christmastime and we had just been to a pantomime at The Marlowe Theatre in Canterbury. A pantomime is an English Christmas tradition. In America, we would think of a pantomime as a play with a twist ... the audience gets to participate. The pantomime we saw was Snow White. Like Shrek, this version of Snow White was for kids but also contained humor for the grown-ups. Anyway, I digress as usual.

Robert and I were lying in bed getting ready to shut off the lights and get some shut-eye when he told me he wanted to have a baby. I thought he was kidding. The next day, I brought it up again just to be sure. He reassured me he was ready, and so our journey began.

Fast forward to 2009. Robert and I had tried to have a baby naturally but it just wasn't happening. Month after month, we'd build ourselves up, only to be let down by a big fat "-" on the pregnancy test. We talked with our doctor who recommended we see an infertility specialist. He conducted test after test. I had a CCCT and an HSG (which, by the way, is not a comfortable procedure at all). Robert had a sperm analysis (I won't go into the details but how humiliating!). Everything looked a-okay. We started taking Clomid. That didn't work. We decided to try IUI coupled with ovulation induction - yes, Robert had to inject me with hCG to increase the number of eggs available for insemination. It was all becoming so scientific. And the majority of infertility treatments are not covered by insurance. Robert and I were disheartened, thinking we would never get to be parents. We decided to take a much-needed break.

What people don't tell you about infertility is that it takes a huge emotional toll on couples. Robert and I were worn out and our spirits were low. We came to the realization that we just were not going to have a baby naturally. And so we shifted gears and started working on our relationship. We reconnected in a different way - our relationship slowly grew stronger and stronger. We both realized that even though we could not have a child naturally, we still had a desire to parent together. And the fact that our child might not be our biological child somehow just didn't seem to matter. Slowly, a glimmer of hope began to emerge.

We began researching adoption as an option for us. But there were so many choices - international vs. domestic, private/independent vs. agency, open, closed, biracial, transracial ... which one was right for us? After many months of talking to people who have successfully adopted, meeting with an adoption attorney and talking with an adoption agency, we decided to adopt domestically (in the United States). We also decided on an independent adoption instead of an agency adoption. Independent, or private, adoption is where the hopeful adoptive couple finds an individual or a couple who have chosen adoption for their child. All parties come to an agreement that works for them and an attorney takes care of the details. We've also decided we don't care what race the baby is or whether the baby is a boy or girl. We know the right situation will find us, no matter what that is.

And so here we are almost five years later still trying to find our someone. This road has not been an easy one. The financial burden alone has been tough. But I have to say Robert and I have grown so strong as a couple because and despite it all. We continue to reach out to family, friends and even strangers to find someone who would like for us to adopt their child and raise it in our home. I hope it happens soon but, if not, we will persevere.

1 comment:

  1. You've been waiting too long, I hope your search for that someone will soon be over. The adoption process could be tough, but all these waiting and the grueling proceedings will be worth it once you have that little baby to love. Don't give up on it, and I wish you luck in your adoption pursuit! Shandra @


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