Happy Easter, Ya'll

Yesterday was Easter and it just happened to be a beautiful day. So we celebrated with, what else, an Easter egg hunt!

Our daughter woke up to a message from E.B., who had apparently raided our fridge and hidden the eggs she dyed the day before. (What is the deal with the bunny hiding the eggs anyway?) She had just gotten the art easel for her birthday last week so the Bunny did well tying it all together.

Easter wouldn't be complete without an Easter basket! Our own little bunny loved hers. It was full of sweets, bubbles, chalk and dry erase pens for her easel. How did E.B. know we needed those? Oh, and a frisbee, which we soon played in the backyard along with the bubbles.

After the basket, we headed out front for our Easter egg hunt extravaganza.

And after all 12 eggs were found, we headed in for a simple breakfast of cereal, fruit ... and you guessed it, eggs! We spent the entire day together, drawing on the easel, playing outside (it was sunny and beautiful), and making dinner. We rounded up the evening around the TV to watch The Great British Baking Show, which we've grown to love. Only a few more episodes to go!

We hope next year the Easter egg hunt will be a little more grand with a little brother or sister ...

The First "No Judgement" Conversation

So what actually does happen when a birth mom reaches out to a couple looking to adopt? Well, the most important thing that happens is, you get to know each other. And that's a basic, because you are going to work together on an adoption plan for your baby. Sometimes that means staying connected on a regular basis throughout the course of your pregnancy. In the case of a baby who is already born, it means working together to decide what your requirements are, when you'd like them to meet the baby, and other details that you'll need to figure out.

Oftentimes that first meeting is over the phone. So while you're not picking up on physical cues, you are hearing tone of voice and getting a sense for whether you actually like this couple (or individual) and feel they would be a good fit as parents for your child. Sometimes the first meet and greet is actually over email or text. While that can sometimes seem impersonal, it's becoming more and more common as technology gets more accessible and sophisticated. And just like anything, it's all what you're comfortable with. Sometimes it takes a while to get to know people. If you want to text or email first to see if it seems like a fit, do so.

In addition to chemistry, it's important for prospective parents to get as much information from you as possible. Sharing information protects everyone and sets you and your child up for a successful adoption process. This isn't about judgement. It's about helping everyone make the best decision. During the first few conversations, you'll want to share some basic information. The prospective parents will ask you:

• Name, address, age.
• Whether you are married or single, and your current living arrangements Do you live with your parents, for example? If so, do we need to keep these conversations private, between us, or do you want your parents included in your decision?
• Birth father, and whether you've talked about your adoption plan with him.
• Due date and where you're receiving prenatal care.
• What your preferences are with regard to adoption. Do you want a semi-open adoption, with occasional updates, for example? What do you envision?
• Do you have any health problems that we should be aware of?
• Have you smoked, drank or done drugs while pregnant?

The list could potentially go on, but you get the idea. Basically, you're helping the prospective parents understand your wishes for the adoption and giving them information to help provide your child with the best environment and opportunities. Remember to be honest. Just because you might have done drugs early in your pregnancy doesn't mean it's a deal-breaker. That just means the prospective parents need to educate themselves on any potential risks and what to do in the event that the baby has problems after delivery. There's no judgement. 

Finally, as prospective parents, it's important for us to know you too! We want to understand why you're making this beautiful choice, and to help you figure out the best way to make your adoption plan happen - your way.

If you're a birth mom and thinking about an adoption plan, email us: adoptionisapowerfulchoice@gmail.com. We'll answer your questions without judgement.

What Is Independent Adoption: The Process (Part II)

Image from http://salvationinternational.org/HOME.php

Even though adoptive parents don't go through the stages of pregnancy or labor and delivery, they do go through a long and committed process that some say compare. There are quite a few emotional ups and downs involved with the adoption process that, in my opinion, just makes you stronger and better able to handle the experience of raising a child.

Domestic, independent adoption is the route we took for our first adoption, and it's the one we've chosen for this one. We're looking forward to working with a birth mother or birth parents on an adoption plan.

If you're a birth parent and want to know more about the adoption process, I wrote some time ago about the adoption process in our state. What we experience together might not follow this path exactly, but either way, we'll work together to make it happen.

Six Ways to Beat the Winter Doldrums

This winter has been comparatively mild. Still, we've had our share of wet and mostly rainy days. But we look at winter days as an opportunity for family fun. Here's how we celebrate together.

We visit family. Our daughter loves her cousins. Here are two of them hammin' it up with her at a restaurant. She's in her element when she's with family.

We play games and do puzzles. We got a "level-difficult" puzzle from Aunt A for Christmas. Turns out it was nothing Dad and daughter couldn't beat. They knocked this one out in a weekend together.

We walk these bozos. No matter how cold or how wet, these two are always up for an outside adventure. Our neighborhood has lots of trails, walking paths and fields for sniffing, running and throwing balls.

We have pancakes for breakfast. After all, it was Fat Tuesday. 

We eat dinner together every night, and on the weekend eat all three meals together. Preparing healthy, fresh meals is one way we connect as a family. Okay, this is a picture from Food + Wine magazine, but it's what's on the menu for dinner tonight! A rainbow of colors and fresh ingredients keeps meal times interesting. 

Robert has a beautiful garden in the Spring, Summer and Fall. During Winter months, we buy lots of fresh flowers and sprinkle them throughout the kitchen and family room in vases. We couldn't resist these tulips.

What Is Independent Adoption - The Home Study (Part I)

There are so many different ways to adopt, from working through an adoption agency, to fost-to-adopt through social services, to independent (or private) adoption. You also have to consider whether you'd like adopt domestically (in our case, that means within the United States) or internationally. Our first adoption was a domestic private adoption, and we've chosen that path again.

Independent, or private adoption, means the adoptive parents work with an attorney to finalize an adoption. The process is complicated and involves a number of different people. The first step is always a home study. In the case of a private adoption, a home study is completed by an adoption agency, even if the adoptive parents will work with an attorney to finalize.

Independent adoption home study

A home study involves jumping through a lot of hoops (some fiery), but it's an important process because a family that has completed a home study has proven that they can provide a safe and loving home environment for a child or children.

During a home study, adoptive parents are required to complete clearance with the FBI to be sure they don't have a criminal record on file, and child abuse clearance through social services. Both can take a while to complete, as once you submit your request, it must go through the proper channels. The agency will also collect a pile of paperwork including things like driving records and medical exams. You must also complete adoption training. In our case, we had to take 19 hours of coursework on the various aspects of adoption. Topics included substance abuse in utero and considerations when adopting a transracial child.

Probably the most common assumption about a home study is that it involves someone coming to your home. And that's absolutely true! A social worker visits your home 2-3 times to counsel you, ask insightful questions, and to do an environment check of your home to be sure you have a separate room for each child and that you are safely considering all aspects of your home before bringing a child into your lives.

Once all your clearances, paperwork, and social worker visits are complete, the social worker writes up a report and sends it to the affiliated agency. The agency then validates all the information and notarizes it. A copy of the approved home study is then sent to the adoptive parents and their adoption attorney of choice.

Next steps

In our case, we reached out to our previous adoption attorney and told him we want to adopt again. He advised us get our home completed first. The next step is what we're doing now - reaching out to all our friends and family to try and connect with a birth mother who has decided on an adoption plan for her child. I'll explore that process in my next post.

So We Want to Adopt Again

Well, it's been a while. In fact, I haven't written since 2012 when our daughter (now 5) was born. Our first adoption was a great experience ... no, it was the experience of our life. We learned so much and are thankful every single day that our daughter's birth mom chose us as her adoptive parents.

So why do we want to adopt again? Well, to tell you the truth, it kind of happened by chance.

We had always said we would be open to adoption again if the opportunity fell in our lap. In other words, we weren't actively searching, but if someone reached out to us, we'd consider it a sign that the universe thinks we're ready for another child. 

So right around Christmas, a friend of mine texted me one line: "Would you consider adopting again?" My response was, "What's the story?"

She told me the story and it tugged at my heart strings. I reached out to Robert who said almost immediately, "let's do it." So we went for it. Unfortunately, that situation didn't work out. But through that experience, we realized that we are actually ready to expand our family. We took it as a sign from the universe.

We immediately talked with our daughter. After all, we're a family and family decisions are made together. She said, "If it's a boy, he can sleep in the room next to mine. If it's a girl, she can sleep in my room." 

So now here we are. Looking for a birth mother who is considering adoption for her child. If you'd like to learn more about our little family and talk to us about an adoption plan for your child, please email us: adoptionisapowerfulchoice@gmail.com, text or call us at 540-621-3499. We'd love for you to consider us.

Adoption Insights From Adoptive Families

We receive Adoptive Families Magazine. It's a great publication that serves as a resource for people who are looking to adopt and for those who have already adopted. 

In an article titled "Midlife Moms and Dads," an adoptive mom says this:

"I have done everything I wanted to do as a single person with no children. I've traveled. I've accepted wonderful jobs that have outrageous hours or schedules. I've slept 'til noon and stayed up all night. Now I want to do this - parent."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

What a Tea Cozy Can Teach You About Life

So I mentioned Robert was born and raised in England, right! Yep. He flew over to America at the age of 19 and joined the Air Force. Other than frequent visits across the pond, he's never looked back - and is now an American citizen. He still carries some of the old traditions with him, though. And one of those traditions is tea. More specifically, P.G. Tips.

When I met Robert, I was not a regular tea drinker. Sure, I'd brew up some decaffeinated Lipton and serve it on ice with lemon or occasionally sip Tazo tea at Starbucks but I had no idea what a ritual drinking tea really is until I met Robert. He came complete with kettle, pot and tea cozy. That was seven years ago and we're still using the same tea pot and tea cozy, although we had to finally replace the kettle during Christmas.

Just a few days ago, I was making a pot of homemade thai curry soup stock on the stove. I had ground up peppers, lemongrass, ginger, garlic and some other spices, including turmeric. After I made the soup, I realized the lemongrass was simply too chunky to eat. So I pulled out the blender, poured the soup in and turned it on. Off popped the lid. Soup went flying everywhere - on the wall, on the floor, on the rug, on me and, unfortunately, on the tea cozy. The turmeric in the soup stained everything a dark mustardy yellow. Everything survived but the cozy. I washed it but the yellow didn't budge one bit. Still, I didn't get rid of it because, frankly, it's the only cozy I have.

Randomly enough, we received a package in the mail today from Robert's mum, straight from England. I opened it up. Lo and behold, it was a lovely new tea cozy. She said she ran across it in a shop and thought we'd like it. I happily walked over to the old cozy and popped it off the tea pot. Now, the tea pot is adorned with a lovely, brand-new tea cozy that will assuredly last another seven years.

You know, sometimes life hands you just what you need, even when you don't ask for it. I'm hoping it will work out like that for us in another aspect of our lives. You know what I'm talking about. ;)

Don't Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch

Chicks found here: http://www.funfacts.com.au/children/interesting-facts/

They say not to count your chickens before they hatch. In this case, I think they've all pretty much hatched ... if you think of blessings as chicks. Recent events - both national and personal - have reminded me of all the wonderful things we have to be thankful for:

• Robert and I have a wonderful marriage that is based on friendship, mutual respect and love.
• We both have large extended families that are healthy and happy, and who are supportive of us in the way we choose to live our lives.
• We are able to support ourselves financially and pay for all the things that we need - a house and a townhouse, two cars and all of the extracurriculars that we desire.
• Robert and I share our lives but also enjoy our own hobbies and friends. I pursue yoga teacher training, for example, and Robert plays and coaches soccer.
• We have a wealth of friends who share in our happiness, and who have their own healthy families.
• We live in an area full of educational and learning opportunities (for all ages), culture and commerce. 
• We are on the powerful journey of trying to grow our family through adoption, and know that we will be able to provide a child with everything he or she needs to lead a fulfilling life.

These are all gifts that have been given to us - but they are also the result of hard work and dedication. We have dedicated ourselves to one another and we work hard on our marriage. We work to keep ourselves healthy and happy. We take advantage of the opportunities around us. For these things, I am thankful.

Even in the darkest of days (we've had those too), I'm sure if you look hard enough, you'll see the egg shells are broken and there are chicks running around everywhere. Life is full of blessings and choices.

There's No Place Like Home

Ruby slippers found here: http://sophieduffy.wordpress.com/2011/09/23/ruby-slippers/

This past weekend was a humdinger for weather in some parts of the country. Here in Virginia it was a little rainy but that didn't stop us from having a pretty normal weekend. Not the case where my parents live and also in other parts of the country, where entire cities were destroyed by twisters in Kentucky and Indiana.

We did have a slight mishap in my family. Mom and dad were watching television when the weatherman came over the airwaves and said D.U.C.K. You know what that means, right?

D - Dash to the lowest level in the building

U - Urgently hide your butt under something

C - Cover ye ole noggin

K - Keep yourself put until the storm passes

Mom and dad headed down to the basement but didn't turn on the light. Mom thought she had reached the bottom. Instead, what she anticipated was the floor was actually another step. She tumbled down, hitting her nose on a wheel barrow. 

I didn't actually find this out until later. Robert came home and said he had been watching the news on the Internet and found out tornadoes were sighted near my parents' house. (Side note: Robert likes to keep watch on the happenings where our families live. He even keeps up with his parents in England online.) I immediately called mom. She conveyed her story and told me she hadn't gone to the emergency department. Thankfully, my older sisters talked her into it. She had a broken nose.

I need to call her tonight to find out if she needs to get it reset. Apparently when you break your nose, you have to reset it within seven days or the damage is permanent - who knew!

Even though my mom has a broken nose, I still feel very fortunate. So many families lost their homes and even their loved ones to tornadoes in many states. In fact, Robert and I were watching the news together just last night. There was a picture of a man holding his dog who had been found in the rubble of the man's flattened home. I said, "you know, that could be us." Storms are indiscriminate.

We are thankful for so many things. Our healthy families, our supportive friends, our beautiful homes, our fulfilling lives. And I personally am thankful for being on this adoption journey. I've met so many wonderful people and learned so much about the process of adoption. I definitely feel all of this has made me aware of what I have been given in life and I'm ready to share some of that wealth, culture and love with another.

Monday Madness

In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don’t try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

— Lao Tzu

What a Difference a Day Makes

It's official. The dresser was finally delivered. And I've decided to repurpose a chair that my mom and dad gave us. It's an old Ethan Allen club chair that is just the right size to sit in while nursing (and maybe fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning). I told Robert I refuse to do anything else to the nursery until we know for sure that an adoption is going to happen.

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday my hope had dwindled into nothingness. Today, after a good night's sleep and a bit of perspective, I'm back in the game. Yes, we're still looking for a match but, for some reason, today I have hope.

Robert opened the door to the nursery this morning and flipped on the lamp. It just feels right to have that door open and ready to welcome a little person. I left it open all day and, because it's warm in Virginia today, just opened the window to let some fresh air blow gently through. I can hear the wind chimes just below the window singing ever so lightly in the soft breeze.

I don't know when it will happen ... but it's sure to happen. And when it does, we'll be ready.

A Break in the Storm

Image found here: http://doidasafada.blogspot.com/2009/09/linda.html

It's been raining all day here in Virginia, which is an appropriate setting for how I've been feeling lately. We've had a few calls here and there lately that have taken us down one rabbit hole after another only to find us falling fast onto a hard, impenetrable concrete floor. No one ever said this was going to be easy.

Regardless, Robert and I still believe that one of these leads will take us right through the looking glass. There, we hope to find the right situation for us - a baby whose mom (and maybe even dad) has chosen to place her child in our care. Because of that, we'll continue to take the midnight phone calls and set up appointments that never come to fruition and talk to strangers who say this is going to be the one only to be let down once again, staring at a phone that doesn't ring again.

They say never give up. And we're not. But some days the waiting just wrenches it right out of you. Someday this will all be a distant memory. Some day, all of this energy will redirect itself to something important - a child who deserves the world. When that happens, we'll be there to give it to him or her, whomever that may be.

Happy leap day, everyone!

The Best Days are Do Nothing Days

We've had the best weekend so far ... we've done absolutely nothing! Sometimes do nothing days are the very best days, don't you agree?

Yesterday we laid around all day in our pajamas, watching garbage television, skimming Facebook, reading and lying around with the dogs. I journaled and flipped through magazines - Better Homes & Gardens, Martha Stewart Living and Yoga Journal - dreaming about new wall colors and furniture, and brushing up on the latest yoga news. In fact, I didn't get out of my pajamas until around 5:00, when I took a bath with Bath & Body Works Vanilla Verbena foam bath and a candle. (I love Bath and Body Works' aromatherapy line.) Gosh I'm starting to sound like a dang commercial!

We both went to bed around 9pm and woke up this morning to a day of sunshine. It is absolutely beautiful in Virginia today! It's around 50 degrees and sunny. There's not a cloud in the sky. Robert is playing in a soccer scrimmage this afternoon so I plan to join him at the park. I'll probably walk around the fields to get some exercise then hang out and watch. I may actually take pictures if I can get close enough to the goal!

Do nothing days are the best for recharging your batteries. Do nothing days are a way to give yourself some love - to tell yourself that you are important. What have you done for yourself lately? Have you had a do nothing day?

Because It's Friday

And because it's not sunny in Virginia today ...

Pic found at: http://www.etsy.com/listing/61948080/sunny-sun

Have the most lovely Friday ever!!

Cover of book found here: http://www.thirdchoicebooks.com/

When Robert and I first decided to adopt, we worked with an adoption agency to complete our initial home study. As part of that home study, we were asked to read The Third Choice - A Woman's Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption. It was my first introduction to adoption from the perspective of a birth mother. 

We've been on this adoption journey now for over a year. Still, I often refer back to that book to remind myself about the brave women who choose adoption for their children. I think it's important for those who would like to adopt to educate themselves about all aspects of adoption. Yes, it's a happy time for an individual or couple who are adopting, but it's also a sad time for the person who has chosen as a mother to allow her child to be brought up by someone else. 

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book. Remember, this book is written for women who are considering adoption for their child:

• It is your right to ask for as much information as you need in order to make a good decision.
• No matter what your circumstances, there is almost always an appropriate family available who will want to adopt your child. You have a greater chance of finding them of you are straightforward about your history and situation.
• After you have met with all of the prospectiveparents that interested you, the decision is now in your hands. Chances are, you already have a pretty good idea who the parents of your child will be. Some birthmothers say they felt a tremendous relief when they found the adoptive parents for their child, like a burden was lifted from their shoulders. Other birthparents agonized over the decision. It is often just a matter of your style in making decisions. Take your time, and do it according to your own timeline.
• By the time a couple contacts and adoption organization [or adoption attorney], chances are, they have spent a number of years trying to have a baby on their own.

Women who choose adoption for their children have so much to think about - just as adoptive couples do. Robert and I have already been through a couple of near misses, one where the birth mother decided to keep her child just as we were packing up to drive 13 hours and meet her at the hospital. Some days it seems like we will never have the opportunity to adopt. Then, other days, when I'm feeling more realistic, I have compassion - both for Robert and I, and for the women who are going through an unplanned pregnancy and who are faced with a difficult decision. 

Birth Mom Posts About Adoption Language

I read a lot of blogs and websites about adoption. I want to be as educated as possible about adoption so I can be the best parent possible when we are matched. I read an interesting post today on America Adopts! It's written by and from the perspective of a birth mother.

Have a read: Birth Mothers Are People Too

I'll be interested to hear what you think, whether you are a birth mother yourself, someone who is considering adoption for her child, an adoptive parent, a hopeful adoptive parent, or simply just someone who happened upon Adoption Is a Powerful Choice.

Adoption Insights From Jamie Lee Curtis

Picture found here: http://celebritybabies.people.com/2009/12/18/jamie-lee-curtis-and-kids-arrive-for-avatar/

Lately my celebrity crushes have been on celebrities who've adopted. Recent mentions are Sandra Bullock and Mariska Hargitay. My latest celebrity crush is Jamie Lee Curtis. I had no idea she had adopted her kids until I saw a list of notable adoptive parents. There's not a lot of press on Jamie Lee and Christopher Guest's adoptive kids, and I respect that. After all, celebrities are people too (well, some of them). But I did find this quote on adoption from Jamie Lee Curtis' interview in Parents magazine that extracts the romanticism right out of adoption and injects the process with reality:


"Adoption is a very complicated road filled with incredibly emotional and challenging aspects. At its core, adoption is about loss. It’s one that needs a lot of good support for everybody, so that everyone is clear about the feelings that are being stirred up for everyone. Birthdays, for instance, are very hard for adopted children. For everyone else it’s a celebration of the moment of birth, but for adopted children, it’s the remembrance of a birth family that they don’t have. So it’s complicated terrain but still a beautiful way to make a family. You have to just be really open to all sides of it." Read more here. 


Jamie Lee really gets to the heart of it. We've been on this journey for a long time. Some days it feels like we'll never become parents. But when you consider everyone involved - from the hopeful adoptive parents to the birth parents to the adoptive children - you can understand why it takes so long ... and why it really should take so long to adopt. Adoption is a process that happens over time, an unfolding of emotions and a willingness on the part of all parties to be authentic with their choices in life. I think it will be totally worth it. 


As Robert always says, "Life is no dress rehearsal." Why dip your toes in the shallow end when there's an entire Olympic-sized pool full of lovely blue water waiting for you to dive in.

Couple Adopts Through Facebook

How interesting the world is today. I just read about a couple who posted their adoption flyer on Facebook. Shortly after, they met the woman who wanted them to adopt their baby. We've been on Facebook and Blogger now for a few months and haven't received one phone call yet from either! The two birth mothers who have called us since we've been up and running found us through Parent Profiles and through the Families for Private Adoption Facebook page. Neither of those worked out for us but we still believe!

The media makes it all sound so easy. Just post a Facebook page and whammo, you'll be matched! Believe me, it's not that easy. Here are just some of the things we've done to get the word out since our home study was approved:

• Told all of our family and friends
• Joined an adoption network 
• Listed with an agency, and created an adoption profile so they can share with potential birth moms
• Let attorneys know that we are eligible for domestic adoption
• Joined three Yahoo networking groups
• Made adoption cards and flyers that we post on every community bulletin board we see
• Placed ads in newspapers, both in print and online
• Sent cards and letters to various locations where birth mothers might come for pregnancy tests or information about pregnancy choices
• Started an adoption blog (you're reading it here!) and joined Blogher to spread the word
• Started a Facebook page
• Joined Parent Profiles

We were told it's a part-time job looking for a match and I have to admit, it is. Not one day goes by that I don't do something to get the word out that we are trying to adopt. Plus, I update our blog, Parent Profiles and our Facebook page almost every day. We are also going to invest in a few other avenues over the coming months to get even more exposure. It just takes one phone call. It almost feels like dating. You put yourself out there and can't predict what might happen. You might me the person of your dreams - or you might just become an expert at marketing. 

Getting Through the Wait - Channeling Spring

Painting found at http://www.etsy.com/listing/88059835/51-birds-no-18-19-limited-edition

I've been channeling Spring lately. Yes, I know it's only February, but in Virginia, the weather has been quite mild. In fact, our trees are already budding and I saw a knock-out rose bush the other day that was blooming. 

Like Frederick, I'm pretty good at thinking about sunny days when these Winter days get long. But there are moments when I think to myself, "Self, I just wish Springtime would get here."

It's kind of the same thing with adoption. Most days, I can stay upbeat by updating my blog, reading inspiring stories of other folks who have successfully adopted and believing that one day it will happen. In my experience, once I set an intention, it usually happens - but not always on my timeline. The Universe has its own timeline and you just can't mess with that.

So on those days when I start to think to myself, "Self, we'll never find a match," Robert comes through. What you may not know about Robert is that he is ever the optimist. He can turn a negative thought around in a second and inspire you even more than you ever thought you would be inspired. I've had my moments, but Robert has always pulled me through - and I have to say, I've done the same for him. Great marriages are like that.

I believe that this adoption is going to happen. We just have to wait for the Universe to decide that it's our time. All it takes is one phone call with the right person.